“Attachment really is the science of relationship, and we're all in relationship. Every particle in the universe is in relationship. The brain is made up of neurons that are attached. There's no life outside of attachment. So some people think it is simply an idea. No, attachment is the relationship of everything and the science of it. The absolutely exciting discovery was when science assumed it was our survival, that was the basic drive, only to find that in mammals it is not survival. It is a
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“Attachment really is the science of relationship, and we're all in relationship. Every particle in the universe is in relationship. The brain is made up of neurons that are attached. There's no life outside of attachment. So some people think it is simply an idea. No, attachment is the relationship of everything and the science of it. The absolutely exciting discovery was when science assumed it was our survival, that was the basic drive, only to find that in mammals it is not survival. It is a
10.3K views3 months ago
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Gordon Neufeld on Sibling Rivalry: Sibling rivalry is a very common problem. By treating our children as equals, we think we’re doing them a favor, but the attachment processes don’t work this way. If you help matchmake one to be the answer to the other, they move to take care of each other, to help each other, rather than compete with each other. And if we got those kinds of things right, we would have much less problems with sibling conflict and rivalry. Find courses and free resources from Go
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Gordon Neufeld on Sibling Rivalry: Sibling rivalry is a very common problem. By treating our children as equals, we think we’re doing them a favor, but the attachment processes don’t work this way. If you help matchmake one to be the answer to the other, they move to take care of each other, to help each other, rather than compete with each other. And if we got those kinds of things right, we would have much less problems with sibling conflict and rivalry. Find courses and free resources from Go
41.4K views4 months ago
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Join leading expert in attachment, Dr. Gordon Neufeld, at our spring conference as he walks us through The Dance of Attachment which explores the pivotal role attachment plays in our everyday lives, and how we can support our children in building strong, secure relationships. | Institute of Child Psychology
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Join leading expert in attachment, Dr. Gordon Neufeld, at our spring conference as he walks us through The Dance of Attachment which explores the pivotal role attachment plays in our everyday lives, and how we can support our children in building strong, secure relationships. | Institute of Child Psychology
87.8K viewsMar 21, 2022
FacebookInstitute of Child Psychology
Our deepest drive isn’t survival — it’s togetherness. In this clip, Dr. Gordon Neufeld explains emotion as Nature’s way of taking care of our most basic need: attachment. When something goes wrong, our first impulse is to seek our people — Where’s mom? Where’s dad? Where’s my family? — even if it means moving toward danger rather than away from it. Emotion, in his words, serves attachment. It rises most strongly when separation is faced and works to close the gap between us. When we see behaviou
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Our deepest drive isn’t survival — it’s togetherness. In this clip, Dr. Gordon Neufeld explains emotion as Nature’s way of taking care of our most basic need: attachment. When something goes wrong, our first impulse is to seek our people — Where’s mom? Where’s dad? Where’s my family? — even if it means moving toward danger rather than away from it. Emotion, in his words, serves attachment. It rises most strongly when separation is faced and works to close the gap between us. When we see behaviou
8.9K views4 months ago
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Dr. Gordon Neufeld on empathy: "Empathy is the fruit of caring. It is a spontaneous outcome if conditions are conducive. That's the part that should be our focus and concern." We invite you to watch this four-minute preview of our new online offering, The Natural Roots of Empathy. Dr. Neufeld traces empathy to its natural roots in attachment, feelings and development. After years of putting the pieces of the empathy puzzle together, he presents his two-factor model for the development of empathy
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Dr. Gordon Neufeld on empathy: "Empathy is the fruit of caring. It is a spontaneous outcome if conditions are conducive. That's the part that should be our focus and concern." We invite you to watch this four-minute preview of our new online offering, The Natural Roots of Empathy. Dr. Neufeld traces empathy to its natural roots in attachment, feelings and development. After years of putting the pieces of the empathy puzzle together, he presents his two-factor model for the development of empathy
894 viewsJan 11, 2024
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Digital play is depersonalized pursuit of attachment; it uses the attachment circuitry in the brain and It diminishes the appetite for true relationship. Screens acts like attachment appetite suppressants and competes for the attachment that should ground our children in caring relationships. This clips is from Gordon Neufeld's course Play & Attachment - 6 lectures that goes deep into how play is the medium through which Nature is most able to take care of us, including supporting our growth and
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Digital play is depersonalized pursuit of attachment; it uses the attachment circuitry in the brain and It diminishes the appetite for true relationship. Screens acts like attachment appetite suppressants and competes for the attachment that should ground our children in caring relationships. This clips is from Gordon Neufeld's course Play & Attachment - 6 lectures that goes deep into how play is the medium through which Nature is most able to take care of us, including supporting our growth and
57.4K views3 months ago
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Defiance isn’t disobedience—but a natural instinct. Dr. Gordon Neufeld uses the term counterwill, borrowed from psychoanalyst Otto Rank, to describe the innate human instinct to resist being controlled by those we’re not attached to. This resistance isn't a flaw. It’s part of our design. Children aren’t born to blindly follow orders—no matter how well-intended. The real issue isn't misbehavior; it’s disconnection. When a child is attached, they are moved to follow our lead. But when attachment i
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Defiance isn’t disobedience—but a natural instinct. Dr. Gordon Neufeld uses the term counterwill, borrowed from psychoanalyst Otto Rank, to describe the innate human instinct to resist being controlled by those we’re not attached to. This resistance isn't a flaw. It’s part of our design. Children aren’t born to blindly follow orders—no matter how well-intended. The real issue isn't misbehavior; it’s disconnection. When a child is attached, they are moved to follow our lead. But when attachment i
67K views6 months ago
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0:40
“Parenthood is above all a relationship, not a skill to be acquired.” - Gordon Neufeld in 'Hold On to Your Kids' In this clip, Dr. Gordon Neufeld reminds us that the heart of parenting isn’t found in techniques or perfect moves. It begins in relationship — in showing up as the answer your child is seeking. Link in bio at @neufeldinstitute *** This is a clip from an episode of Robot Unicorn Podcast hosted by Jess VanderWier from @nurturedfirst To hear the full conversation, search for the episode
3.7K views5 months ago
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2:59
In this introduction, Gabor Maté shares why he values Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s work on attachment and development. See more reels and post on Neufeld Institute or visit neufeldinstitute.org - Making sense of children – developmental science in practice. Fresh insights for parents, teachers and supporting professionals. *** #drgabormate #makingsenseofkids #attachmentparenting #gabormate #emotionaldevelopment #neufeldinstitute #drgordonneufeld #holdontoyourkids #attachmenttheory #gordonneufeld | Neufe
79.4K views6 months ago
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2:48
How to Build Attachment When a Child Joins a New Family In the video, Neufeld Institute Faculty Bree Jordan reflects on a common experience for adults who find themselves caring for a child not born to them. As she notes, our role gives us responsibilities, but not the power to guide. That power comes from relationship. A child can be invited into a home without yet feeling at home—without feeling they matter, belong, or are truly wanted. This is the heart of our course 'Transplanting Children.'
3.3K views4 months ago
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2:16
“Children must never work for our love. They must rest in it.” - Gordon Neufeld. Many of us have made the same mistakes. We have said things like: "I can’t be your friend if you’re going to be like that. Off to your room. I withdraw the invitation to exist in my presence…" Everyday interactions like this can place children in charge of preserving the connection. Too often, they find themselves working for the relationship—holding on when that role was never meant to be theirs. The restlessness t
219.1K views4 months ago
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“We have been using what children care about against them. We’ve been calling it consequences.” When Dr. Gordon Neufeld speaks about attachment, he reminds us that the real purpose of attachment is as a delivery system for care. When a child feels deeply attached, they naturally feel their own caring — no lesson needed. But for generations now, we’ve routinely used what matters most to children against them: taking away what they love, threatening disconnection, calling it “discipline” or “conse
6.6K views11 months ago
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2:06
“For transplanting to be successful, children need to adopt their new ‘parents’.” — Gordon Neufeld When children experience a change in who is raising them—through adoption, fostering, step-parenting, loss, or changes in custody—their attachment roots are inevitably affected. Even when these changes are made with care and good intentions, the developmental impact can be significant. This clip is from Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s course 'Art & Science of Transplanting Children'. In this course, Gordon Ne
13.5K views3 months ago
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2:20
“What’s going on behind the eyes? What’s going on inside of these children?” These are the questions Michele Maurer has carried through decades of work with families whose children have had more than one home, more than one constellation of caregivers, or more separation than their systems can bear. Her experience sits at the heart of why Dr. Gordon Neufeld asked her—and fellow faculty member Bree Jordan—to lead the upcoming scheduled class The Art & Science of Transplanting Children. This mater
1.8K views4 months ago
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Neufeld Institute on Instagram: ""Parenting is not a role. It's not a set of techniques. It's actually a relationship — and that relationship is rooted in human evolution. Every culture will adapt those evolutionary dynamics for its own purposes. But whenever cultures try to ignore the essence of that relationship, we get into trouble — and that's why we're having so much trouble with our kids these days: because we've lost the essence of the relationship." – Gabor Maté In this introduction, Gab
299.8K views6 months ago
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